NOSEISM

Since this is a note to prospective employers, I want to be up front about this.

I have two noses. My "normal" nose, and a small nose near the top of my forehead. My smaller nose is much smaller. Something like 15%-20% of people have this second nose. In Silicon Valley lately folks have gone to great lengths to hide it. Sometimes they will wear clothing to try and disguise it: special wigs, or hats, or makeup. It is becoming quite popular now for folks who discover they have a second nose to go to a plastic surgeon to appear more acceptable. This usually works for a time, but eventually it becomes obvious that they've had plastic surgery, and it looks odd. Not really a second nose, not really normal either.

Well, I have a second nose. And I'm not ashamed of it. It's a part of me, I don't think about it any more than I think about my eye color in my day-to-day life. Of course my eye color has never been a reason I've been denied a job.

If you ask "normal" people if second noses bother them, they will say "No", at least in public. But I've surreptitiously overheard managers complain about how distracting it is to have to talk with someone with a second nose, and try and not stare at it. Once in a while a manager will admit in public they don't like working with two nose people ... because, well, two nose people are awkward to work with.

It's is common knowledge (you will frequently hear people say) that folks with second noses are unable to keep up with new technologies. They are slow to learn. They don't want to change their ways. They are depressed and lonely. Many studies have been done showing this common knowledge is just dead wrong, but the myth persists.

I can tell you that I am not depressed, I have indeed kept up with new technologies, and do not feel oppressively lonely.  I can also point to specific instances of job interviews that were effectively over when my second nose was revealed. Once in particular, I was subjected to almost half a dozen phone screens and was then invited to interview more than a thousand miles away. I performed as well in person as I had on the phone, same strengths, same deficiencies.  No one said anything about my second nose, but I didn't get a job offer, and I noticed (while walking around the company) absolutely no one working there had a second nose. The company had just settled a lawsuit a few months earlier about anti-nose discrimination. The CEO had sent discriminatory email regarding two nose people. Was I not hired because of my second nose? I certainly can't prove it, but I have my suspicions. I've been denied jobs for other reasons at other companies, and you rarely know for sure with complete certainty the reason ... but when I've been denied at companies that have two nose employees I figure that my second nose is not an issue. When I'm denied at a company that doesn't seem to have any two nose people working there currently despite substantial staff count I come to a different conclusion.

Please, if your company has a thing about second noses, don't lead me along. Don't subject me to multiple phone screens and in-person interviews only to refuse me because of my second nose. I don't want to be wasting my time interviewing at companies that won't hire me anyway. I have a second nose, and I will continue to have a second nose. It's not going away and I'm not going to attempt to hide it. If your company has a long history of discriminating against two nose people don't assume that simply bringing in candidates with two noses is going to magically solve the problem. Human Resources can't fix the issue without help from the very top, and inviting in candidates with two noses will simply create resentment in the two nose community and their supporters. It's going to make a bad situation worse.

And, just for the record, yes, I can indeed tell you exactly where I was sitting when I heard John F. Kennedy was shot.