I apologize to my loyal readers (thanks Mom & Dad) for not publishing much this year. But I have been very busy at Fenchel Labs developing inventions to promote dog sledding. Here is a partial list of inventions I've been working on while Mother Nature has been keeping the Midwest snow-free.

We have a few inventions to help your training. We have been working on an automated self driving squirrel. It detects where the trail is and grabs your dog's attention as it rolls along. There are two models: for slower teams, there is a battery powered verison known as the Battery JaySquirrel. For faster teams there is a rocket powered model, known of course as the Rocket JaySquirrel. Bullwinkle mooses are optional. We also have a Math Lecturer Monotone Deer. After a couple hours of exposure to this device your dogs will never chase deer again, but may fall asleep.

Several inventions are nearly ready to be released to deal with the unusual weather we are having here in the midwest. First on the list is the Snow Dogboni. This device attaches to the front of your sled and squirts a high powered stream of snow directly under your runners. Work on the HoverSled has temporarily ceased, as the hover device seems to emit an odor of roast beef. This has caused teams to dive under the sleds. The first inflatable 16 mile long portable WinterDome was in early prototyping when a dog's nail cut the polyethylene floor causing deflation. Rescue efforts are ongoing. We're also working on the portable Individual Dog Cooler, a 3000 BTU air conditioner that keeps your dog cool even in warm temps. It is powered by dog poop, so it can be run for absolutely no additional cost.

Finally, we have not forgotten our human friends either. The Alchemizer 5000 converts your co-workers complaints about winter into gold, so YOU will have the financial resources to attend more dog races. To help you save time so you can spend more time with your dogs we have Human Chow, so you can stop spending time preparing meals. The Furmalizer collects all that pesky dog hair from your house and converts it into nice warm sweaters. And our new IceStone tire line will replace the back tires on your car with new, much larger tires. This will lift up the back end of your car, so you will always be driving down hill and will therefore save gas.